It's been too long!

It's like running into an old friend while walking down the street... How are you?!? How have you been? What's new?!?

How do you catch up on years missed in a few sentences? 
Impossible. 
No way to recall all of the tears, smiles, days of laughter and loneliness. 
All I can say is... I lost many of the things that I believed to be solid in my life, but in turn learned to stand on my own and had the support of the people who really mattered. I spent many months alone trying to figure out who I was, who I wasn't, and how to accept it all. I let go of grudges that were weighing me down, and searched for new things that made me happy. 
I learned to love myself, and it didn't just show in my smile or my attitude, but in my body as well. 
I learned how to immediately weed out the new poison that attempted to enter my life, and embrace and accept that I deserved all of the positive energy that came my way...(without thinking it was all too good to be true)
As usual, the answer to "How are you?" is:
"Good"
but this time, I mean it.


Welcome back reader, let's not let so much time go by next time, and let's grab a drink

Salud, Amor, Y Familia....

Great Expectations

We do it every year. We make a list of all of the things we want to change, how we're going to be, things we're going to quit... and perhaps for a few weeks we stick to it.  But then old habits die hard and we are back to our old ways.  Still smoking, still drinking, the gym membership goes unused, the closet stays a mess.  A special occasion has you cheating on your new diet and an unforeseen adventure has you forgetting the budget.

Why must we put so much pressure on the new year. Perhaps we should focus more on a new day. Let each day be a new start, a new chapter.

Perhaps the biggest goal should be a simple one.  Let us release the burdens of the past.
Sometimes we hold on to the past so tight, we don't have open arms to embrace the future.

Regret, guilt, grudges, and what ifs. < ------ they all weigh me down like blocks of cement tied to my feet and I'm constantly trying to take a step forward but it's too hard so I just stand still.

Lets all break those chains that tie the blocks of cement. This is who I am with all of my imperfections. I'm not going to ignore those blocks, just going to build a little monument and keep going.

This is me....all I can do is keep on trucking and soaking up the sun.


May this year be worry free dear reader, and may you always have the strength to always do whats best for you.

Salud, Amor Familia y Amistad!

More than just a number

They say age is just a number, but that number lingers behind you like bad gas in a department store. 
I feel like I should be at a different place, in a different location, with my life set....
and yet here I am.


30
unmarried, no career, no kids, no home of my own.  I'm not saying those things define who you are.. but I have nothing to define me at this point.


worst of all no definite plans, and no sense of direction. 


All I want for Christmas is a nudge in the right direction.  




Let's drink to that....


Salud, Amor, Y Familia...

Thought you hit the road Jack

OK, is this some sort of joke? 
Am I on candid camera? Can somebody please tell my why all of a sudden the exes are contacting me?


I'm actually happy and content. Are they trying to see how miserable I am without them? The truth is... I'm not. And its not just one but two in the last two weeks. I mean come on! You didn't give a rats about me back then, why are you pretending to want to know how I'm doing now? 


Then of course I have the dilemma of responding or not responding. 
If I respond, I know that I will not be very lady like, proper, or nice. Do I really want to stoop to that level? No, but at the same time I don't want them to think they win in any way shape or form.


Is GOD testing my patience for stupid people? 


Can I just send them to hell?
Why hasn't verizon thought of a way to block people from text messaging you? I think I'm going to write them a little letter... I can't possibly be the only girl in the world with this problem.


Dear CEO of verizon....




thanks for once again letting me vent...


salud, amor, familia y amistad

Soaking up the sunshine on a cloudy day

Good things come to those who wait, those who think good thoughts, and those who do good. This is not to say that life doesn't toss up balls of shit and turn the fan on in your direction... but sometimes you're just in such a good mood that not only do your reflexes have you doing matrix moves, but you just may be laughing at the situation.

 

Life is good. All I know is that for the last 3 weeks I can't stop smiling. I'm finding myself living each day with a new excitement, new passion for what may come. 

This is my thank you card to the universe. 

I am blessed and grateful for all of the wonderful people and things that surround me. Thank you.

The rain today washed away the negative, gave me a clean slate, an opportunity to start over. 

I AM READY FOR ALL OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS THE UNIVERSE HAS TO OFFER ME

May your journey find similar happy endings dear reader...

Salud, Amor, y Familia!

Cleaning House

This week I have realized that spring cleaning can also happen in October, and that it may also apply to a person and not just a home.

I am spring cleaning
I am reanalyzing where I want to be standing, who I want around me, and what image I want to portray to those in my circle.
Certain things are bogging me down. They need to be thrown out, and kicked to the curb.I think that sometimes you just loose yourself. Not necessarily because of someone else, but because of the daily routine. The day to day grind of traffic, work, stress, etc...

The BIG 30 is just around the corner, and although I am not all I could be, I want to be more than Ive ever been

Negative people are the first to go. I have my own demons to deal with, THEY DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! Family or not, your negative comment or energy is not welcome here. Hit the road jack...

Debt. The amount of stress that I have over money paycheck to paycheck is ridiculous. Credit cards are for emergency situations only. The fact that Mc Donalds is having their annual monopoly game is no longer an emergency (yes there have been days where I have lied to myself to justify that) Sorry friends, no more dinners, parties, spa dates, or happy hours (sorely missed) But I will be a better person debt free, and this is only temporary. Good times are just around the corner.

THE LIST
Many years ago I put together this image of the woman I thought I wanted to be, of the things I wanted to have accomplished by this age, and what my life should be like.
This list must also be placed in a black trash bag and thrown out. Life does not happen as we predict or want, and that is ok! The woman on that list is materialistic, self centered, cold hearted and close minded.

Enough cleaning for now... it seems I have made enough room for new experiences, adventures, outlooks, goals, and ideas....and living life to the fullest is the only way I can acquire those things...

till next time fellow reader,

Salud, Amor, Y Familia...

project blue dress

Well I made a huge decision today.
 I will not measure my weight loss by the number on the scale, but by the way that little blue bridesmaid dress fits. Last week I didn't have the courage to even get it out of the closet. Today I tried it on, and faced my truth...I HAVE WORK TO DO.
The next few weeks will be difficult but not impossible. I simply have to remember PATIENCE. 
PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE,PATIENCE, PATIENCE


I may need to tattoo that on the inside of my eyelids.


I need to remember that all good things take time...relationships included. Relationship with myself and those around me whom I want around for the long run.
This week I tried to remember to move more. I took the stairs in the parking structure, and took mini walks at lunch, as well as tried to incorporate walking dates. (Swap-meets and stores are great places to go walking) 
My favorite past time is still a nap, and I want nothing more than a big fat juicy cheeseburger right now, fries and large Dr Pepper included. Perhaps someday I wont crave those things anymore, but today I do, and all I can do is to keep looking at that little blue dress to remind me....
Perhaps that zipper will go up just a little more by next week...


till then reader,
salud, amor, y familia